


Tunnel

by winstinct



Series: Tunnel [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alzheimer's Disease, Angst, Boys In Love, Brain Surgery, Cliffhangers, F/M, Future, Future Castiel, Future Dean Winchester, Future Fic, Gay, Gay Castiel, Gay Dean Winchester, Gay Male Character, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Graphic Description, Heavy Angst, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Human Castiel, M/M, Mild Smut, Sad, Series, Sick Character, Sick Dean Winchester, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-07 14:40:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7718704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winstinct/pseuds/winstinct
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak have a very happy and healthy marriage. They made many plans for what they assumed would be a long life spent together. Little did they know that during the winter of 2026 Dean would be diagnosed with early on-set Alzheimer's, leaving them to prepare for the worst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Any similarities to any other media works or irl stories is simply coincidence.
> 
> This story could be triggering. Read at your own discretion.

**July, 2020- Stage 1 (not yet developed)**

-

"We should get married," Castiel said to Dean as they were sitting in the living room with the news on the television. They were talking about future plans, simple things like vacations, and Castiel had been trying to get the balls to propose, so he just blurted out the words.

"What," Dean said chuckling. 

"I'm serious Dean," Cas said sternly. "We're talking about future plans and I want you to be a part of them. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you."

Dean looked up at Cas and froze. He wanted to scream out "YES" and give Cas a big, long kiss, but all he could do was stare.

"Dean..." Cas said worried and confused cause he wasn't answering.

"Y-yes! Of course!" Dean yelled excitedly. Dean couldn't believe it. He'd loved Cas ever since he first laid eyes on him, and now he's finally going to be able to tell people he's his husband. "Tomorrow-we'll get married tomorrow! We'll go to that beautiful pond in front of that brick house I said we should buy, and we'll get married right there! I'll invite Sam and Jess and Bobby, and you can invite Gabriel and Michael. It'll be just us seven. Nothing to big, it'll be perfect!"

"Woah! Slow down tiger!" Cas said laughing. "We'll need to find a priest, and-"

"We don't need a priest!" Dean exclaimed, quickly interrupting Cas. He wanted to get married as soon as possible. He's waited so long for this and he didn't want to wait any longer than necessary now that the time was finally here. "Bobby can do it, we'll write our vows, say the 'I do's', kiss each other, and we're married. Cas, baby, I don't wanna wait any longer. I'm in. I'm all in."

Cas smiled and brought Dean back into a tight, long hug, kissed him one more time, and went to bed.

In the morning he woke up and found Gabriel and Michael sitting in the living room. He asked where Dean was and they told him he was with Sam, Jess, and Bobby and they were all helping him get ready for the big day that was ahead of them. 

"Cas, you know how mom and dad would feel about this..." Michael said. Their mom and dad never really accepted the fact that Cas was in love with another male, and he didn't care. 

"I know that's why I moved away, so I wouldn't have to deal with their constant criticism, and i don't really give a fuck what they think to be honest, I'm happy with Dean and that's all that matters." Cas said getting annoyed. Gabriel and Michael didn't accept the fact that their brother wasn't straight at first, but once they saw him with Dean and saw how happy he was they came around, but they still mention their parents every chance they get.

Cas went back into his room, and put on his nicest suit, and made sure his hair was styled just the way Dean liked it, slicked back but still a little messy. He walked back out to the living room to where Michael and Gabriel were sitting, and asked if he looked okay. 

"Eh, you look okay..." Gabriel said teasing. Cas just stared at him and Gabriel could tell he was becoming frantic. "I'm joking, you look great Cas. Dean is going to love it," Cas smiled and asked if they were ready to go.

They started to walk out the door and Cas suddenly went crazy, he had forgotten to write his vows. He couldn't believe he had forgotten to write his vows, the most important part of the wedding, and he had forgotten it. 

"Wait! I forgot to write my vows! I forgot to write my vows!" Cas yelled to Michael and Gabriel. 

"Okay, just write some now," Gabriel said trying to calm Cas down.

"There's no time! I forgot the vows. I bet Dean didn't forget his vows, he's smart enough to remember the most important part of the wedding," Cas said frantically while pacing back and forth quickly. "Dean's gonna hate me and now I'm gonna ha-"

"Hey!" Michael yelled interrupting Cas' spiel. "You don't need written vows. You know exactly what to say to Dean, you know exactly what you want to promise him for your long life together. You don't need to write this kind of thing down. You love him don't you?" Cas nodded. "Then speak from your heart. You can do this. You're fine. It's gonna be okay." Cas nodded again and got into the back of the car. 

When they got there Dean, Sam, Jess, and Bobby were already there. The location was absolutely beautiful. Bobby and Dean were standing on the bridge that was over top of the pond, the huge brick house Dean always pointed out to Cas whenever he got the chance high up the hill above from the pond, but the best part of the view was Dean. Michael and Gabriel walked over to where Sam and Jess were standing, and Cas just stood, looking at Dean. He looked amazing. He was wearing Cas' favorite suit of his and his hair was parted on the side just the way Cas liked it. He walked over to him, and they stood in front of Bobby. He couldn't believe this was happening.

"Woah!" Dean said once he saw Cas. "Oh shit! My baby is looking fine!" Dean put his hands on Cas' arms and looked him up and down while biting his lip. Whenever Dean did that it made Cas' legs weak and he got nervous, and that was the very last thing Cas needed right now, he was nervous enough already. 

"Is everyone here?" Bobby asked. "Should we get started?"

"Yes don't wait any longer," Dean said still looking at Cas.

Bobby started the long process and as it progressed Cas became impatient, and he could tell Dean was too, he just wanted to kiss Dean already and be officially married. 

"You may now kiss the groom," the words finally came out of Bobby's mouth. Cas pulled Dean in and planted his lips on Dean's quickly. They stayed like that with their lips on each other's for what felt like ages, but that was okay, Cas didn't want it to end, he loved the feeling of Dean's soft lips on his, he could stay like that forever. Sam, Jess, Gabriel, Michael, and Bobby cheered, and congratulated them when the time came for them to detach their lips from each other's. They were finally married.

 

**November 26, 2023- Stage 2/3 (relatively noticeable)**

-

"Where the hell is the salt? I swear I just had it" Dean said looking around confused. It has been three years since Dean and Cas' marriage and they moved into the house they got married in front of about a year ago. This was there first Thanksgiving in this house and they made sure to invite everyone from the wedding to the dinner.

"Dean it's right in front of you..." Sam said. Dean had been doing that quite frequently lately. He'd hopelessly look for an object that is right out in the open. Cas came to the conclusion that it's the marriage and the new house. A lot has happened in the past couple of years and Dean isn't very good with change. 

Dean began to put the salt on his food and began to eat. 

"Wait Dean we didn't do the tradition," Cas said watching Dean eat. 

"What tradition..." Dean grumbled with a mouthful of food.

"The tradition where we go around the table and say at least one thing we're thankful for," Cas explained. 

"Oh yeah...that tradition," Dean acknowledged even though he still didn't remember ever doing that. "I'll start! I'm thankful for this house, everyone here, and of course my baby that I love with all my heart," he said while grabbing Cas' thigh from under the table and leaning to kiss him on the cheek.

They continued to go around the table saying thanks, and once they were done they all ate like rugby players after a long game. Dean, like always, ate the most. His favorite was the potato stuffing. Cas always made sure to make him his own personal pan of that since he always ate a whole one by himself anyways. 

"Hey babe can you pass me the gravy?" Dean said while pointing to a blue ceramic bowl.

"That's not the gravy...the gravy is in your hand Dean..." Cas said looking at Dean confused. 

"Oh, my bad..." Dean said while laughing and poring the gravy onto his giant bowl of potato stuffing.

Once they finished eating dinner. They all went into the living room to talk except Jess and Dean who went outside and walked around.

"So is that like a normal thing with Dean now...?" Sam asked Cas.

"He's been doing it ever since we moved into the house. You know Dean, he's not very good with huge changes and a lot has happened with us in a very short amount of time, and I think it has something to do with that. It's weird but I'm not gonna worry too much. It'll go away shortly." Cas explained, half believing what he said.

"Yeah you're probably right, it's just kinda weird, like I wouldn't think it would be that bad," Sam said worried. He understood where Cas was coming from, and part of him believes it, but the other part knows his brother and knows this is not like Dean.

Cas saw Dean and Jess looking at some plant outside. Sam was a lucky guy, Jess was beautiful. Dean picked a flower off of the plant and put it in the pin holding half of Jess's hair back. The sun gleamed off of Jess's blonde waves adding the flower made her even more beautiful. Dean was really good with girls, it made Cas jealous even though it shouldn't. They walked back inside, Jess sat next to Sam and Dean sat next to Cas.

They finished the night off by talking and playing games. After everyone left, Cas helped Dean clean everything up and followed him back into the bedroom to go to bed. Cas had taken a shower and brushed his teeth and walked back into the bedroom, but Dean wasn't anywhere in sight. Getting worried, Cas walked downstairs and followed the sound of running water into the downstairs bathroom to find Dean taking a shower.

"There you are," Cas said relieved.

"Where'd you think I went?" Dean said from behind the glass shower door.

"I don't know you've been acting weird all day, I guess I just got worried," Cas explained staring at Dean through the glass.

"Well I'm right here, no need to be worried," Dean said while stepping out the shower. He wrapped the towel around his hips, pulled Cas in and kissed his forehead lightly. "Now go back to the room, I'll be up shortly."

Cas walked back upstairs telling himself not to worry, this whole thing may be really weird but it's probably nothing. As promised, Dean walked into the room shortly after and laid down next to Cas. He wrapped his arms around him and began kissing his neck. He knew Cas loved when he did that and it always got him in a mood, but it wasn't working tonight.

"Dean..." Cas said trying to squirm his way out of Dean's hold, but he was too strong. Dean continued to kiss Cas' neck disregarding his indirect request for him to stop.

"Dean-please-" Cas said again squirming some more. Dean stopped and looked at him confused. 

"What's wrong, you love when I do that," Dean said propping himself up on his elbows to get a better view of Cas.

"I'm worried about you Dean," Cas said looking into Dean's beautiful green eyes. His eyes were like emeralds, they were so beautiful, and always put Cas in a daze. Every time Cas looked into them he fell in love all over again. It's like he forgot why he fell in love with Dean in the first place but his eyes were always there to remind him. 

"Why? I'm fine," Dean said leaning down for another kiss.

Pushing Dean away Cas said, "You've been acting weird all day, forgetting simple things, and this definitely isn't the first time." 

"I'm fine babe. It's just-you know me and changes. I promise you I'm fine, it'll go away eventually." Dean played with Cas' hair, pushing it out of his face. "You worry too much."

"I know...I know," but he knew Dean, better than Dean knew Dean. "I guess I just love you too much." 

"Oh, is that so," Dean laughed and kissed Cas. "But not as much as I love you." He kissed him again, this time longer.

"Mmm, goodnight baby," Cas mumbled with his lips still on Dean's and reaching over to turn the bedside lamp off.

Dean pulled away, wrapped his arms around Cas, put his head on his shoulder and fell asleep almost immediately. Cas laid awake worrying of course. No matter how many times he tried telling himself that it was just the marriage, and the house, and all the other changes he couldn't believe it. He knew Dean way too well, and he knew that this was more. There was something wrong, something Dean wasn't telling him. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING*  
> -smut  
> -graphic depictions

**January, 2026 (Stage 4- Moderate Impairment, relatives become worried)**

-

"I don't know Sam, he doesn't seem to be getting any better." It was early in the morning and Cas had been getting ready for work when Sam called to see how Dean was doing. He's been calling every couple of months since that Thanksgiving he noticed Dean wasn't himself.

"Well is it getting worse?" Sam asked.

"I can't really tell...But last week I mentioned our first date and he had so many questions about it, it's like he wasn't even there..." Cas said trying to hold back his emotions.

"I'm sorry Cas," Sam said sympathetically, he could tell that must've been hard for him. "I still think you should take him to the hospital."

"No Sam. He's not gonna want to go. Besides it's probably nothing and we're just being paranoid," Cas said not believing it one bit.

"Cas, do you really believe that?"

"Of course not. But like I said he's not going to want to go and there's nothing I or anyone else will be able to do about that, he's a grown man. Besides he just forgot our first date, it's not like he forgot my name. Now if he had forgotten my name I would take him to the hospital in a heart beat, but he didn't. It's just little memory problems. I'm dealing with it." Another lie.

"Little memory problems...keep telling yourself that Cas," Sam yelled and hung up the phone. Cas could understand why he was being so protective. Dean was really all Sam. After their mom died, their dad was never really around. Dean practically raised Sam.

Cas sighed and walked upstairs into the bedroom to find Dean looking around hopelessly for something. He saw a shirt laying on the bed and figured that was what Dean was looking for considering he wasn't wearing one. He picked it up and handed it to him.

"Oh...thanks babe," Dean smiled and took the shirt.

"Yeah...no problem." Sam's voice kept playing in Cas' head like a broken record player, "I still think you should take him to the hospital...little memory problems...keep telling yourself that..."

"Hey, what's wrong?" Dean broke Cas of his daze.

"Nothing," Cas lied and walked into the bathroom.

He stripped of his clothes, got in the shower, and turned the water on. The hot water felt relaxing on his bare skin, but not relaxing enough to stop him from worrying about Dean, Sam's voice still in his head, "little memory problems...keep telling yourself that." He was lost in thought and worry until he felt hands on his back. He turned around and saw Dean standing there. 

"Dean! Don't do that, you scared me!" Dean laughed and Cas playfully punched Dean's shoulder. "What're you doing? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. You on the other hand, you seem tense, you need to relax. Here let me help." Dean teased.

"Dean that's not-" Cas felt Dean's hands on his pelvis.

"Relax." Dean whispered into Cas' ear.

Dean's hand found Cas' dick and moving up and down.

"Dean..."

"Shhh. You worry too much. Don't worry, don't think, just relax. It's okay. I'm here. I got you." Dean said softly.

Dean's hands kept goin, back and forth and back and forth, the hot water making things easier. Dean felt Cas hardening and started faster.

"Oh shit." Dean may have forgotten their first date, but he certainly did not forget how to please Cas.

"You like that? You want more?" Dean's breathed on Cas' neck.

"Mhm" Cas groaned.

Dean turned Cas to face him sharply, and pushed him against the shower wall, kissing his neck with his left hand on Cas' shoulder and his left still tightly wrapped around his cock.

"Shit Dean, I'm gonna be late to work." Cas pushed Dean away.

"So be late." Dean resumed sucking on Cas' neck.

"I can't I'll get fired." Cas pushed Dean away again.

"Call out sick." Cas just looked at Dean trying to come up with an excuse but he couldn't and he didn't necessarily want to. He got out of the shower and quickly called and lied for about the fourth time in the past hour, but if this was his reward for lying he didn't ever want to tell the truth.

"You good?" Dean wrapped his arms around Cas pulling him close.

"Better than ever. Resume." Cas backed himself back up against the cold shower wall.

"Now that's more like it." Dean smiled and dropped to his knees. 

He wrapped his mouth around the circumference of Cas' dick that was hot from the water running down on it. Just like he did with his hands, he moved his mouth up and down going as deep as he could, toying with the sensitive head, stopping and then resuming to give Cas that extra tease. 

"Oh my lord, Dean!" Cas moaned.

"Are you close?" Dean stopped to ask.

"Very. Keep going and don't stop!" Cas demanded.

Dean continued, teasing at the slit with his tongue. He stood up and finished Cas off with his hand while he put his lips on Cas' and planted his tongue in his mouth.

"Oh my...shit," Cas shrieked as his legs went weak. He came and Dean slowed his strokes, squeezing the excess out once Cas had calmed a bit.

"Dean, that was...you're..." Cas stuttered.

"Amazing? I know." Dean bragged and kissed Cas.

"I need to go lay down." Cas stepped out of the shower and wrapped the towel around him. Dean watched him as he struggled to walk back into the bedroom.

"Legs weak?" Dean laughed and followed Cas.

"Shut up." Cas put some clothes back on and threw himself on the bed.

"I'll be downstairs if you need me," Dean said while walking out of the bedroom.

"Okay," Cas mumbled. He put the sheets over top of him and drifted off to sleep again. 

-

Cas woke up to the fire alarm going off. He ran out of the bedroom and saw the top of the stove engulfed in flames.

"Shit!" He ran downstairs, filled a pot with water, and threw it on the fire. Dean was cooking something and must have forgot about it, but where the hell was he now.

"Dean!" Cas yelled. No answer. He walked around outside for a little.

"Dean!" Still no answer. Cas checked the living room, all the bathrooms and showers, the bedroom just in case he had sneaked back there without Cas knowing, the closets, the pantry, he even checked under the bed and all the cabinets just in case for some odd reason Dean was there. Nowhere. He called his phone at least ten times. No answer.

"Dean come on! Where the hell are you!" Cas screamed and choked on some tears. He remembered he hadn't checked the attic above the garage. Cas saw Dean's perfectly messy hair from the door.

"There you are! You almost set the house on fire! Are you alright?" Cas said relieved. 

Silence.

"Dean, come on stop playing," Cas joked.

Silence.

"Hey, stop th-" Cas walked over to Dean and felt his heart in his throat. Dean was laying in a puddle of his own blood that appeared to be coming out of his temple. It was a dark red color. The color red you think of when someone mentions hell. The puddle wasn't big, but it was enough to make Cas squeamish, and there was enough blood to make him fear that Dean had lost too much. His shoulder was where the upper end of his bicep should be and was turned in the wrong direction about 45 degrees. Cas tried to do something but it's like someone had frozen all his muscles. He finally built up the strength to get his phone out of his pocket and call 911.

"911, what's your emergency?" The operator had a calm voice, almost too calm. Cas knew what he wanted to say but couldn't form the words.

"Excuse me? Is anyone there?" The lady on the other end asked.

"I-I-I think my husband-I think my husband is dead..." Cas built up the strength to just barely form the words.

"Okay sir, I know this is hard, but I'm going to need you to be more descriptive," the lady said acting like she knew the horror Cas was feeling.

"He feel down a ladder. He's laying on the floor of our garage...in a small pool of-of his blood...and-and his shoulder-his shoulder is all messed up-dislocated-badly dislocated..." Cas explained to the lady in between deep breaths.

"Sir, where is the blood coming from?"

"His head-he's unconscious." _Or dead_ , he couldn't help but think.

"Is there a pulse?"

"I-I don't know, I haven't checked. Please just hurry up!" He yelled becoming impatient as the woman on the other end was taking her sweet old time asking questions she can answer herself as soon as she sends people over to help as Cas watched his husband possibly dying if he hasn't already.

"Where's your emergency?" The lady finally asked. Cas told her the address.

"Hurry!" Cas screamed, hung up the phone, and burst into tears.

"I still think you should take him to the hospital...little memory problems...keep telling yourself that" Sam's voice echoed in his head. If he would've listened Dean wouldn't be laying unconscious in a pool of his own blood right now. He should've listened. He should've listened.

After about ten minutes that felt like forty the paramedics arrived. They put Dean on a gurney and into the ambulance.

"He didn't hit his temple, there's a pulse!" One of the paramedics said.  _Thank God_ , Cas relaxed a little but not a lot.

"BP's dropping!" Another said.  _Well of course it is, blood is coming out of his head like an overflowing sink._

"Pass me the gauze pads I wanna cover up this wound." Another demanded.  _Yeah you do that._

Cas called Sam. No answer.  _Shit!_

"Sam! Call me back as soon as you get this message! It's important! Very important!" Cas said quickly trying not to cry so he wouldn't worry Sam too much.

Cas tried Jess just to see if he could get an answer. Straight to voicemail.

"Jess! If you get this message before Sam gets his either call me back yourself or tell Sam to call me! It's very important that you do." 

Cas dialed Bobby's number.

"Cas, what ya need?"

"Bobby! Thank God you answered!"

"What's up?"

"It's Dean..." Cas broke into tears.

"What happened! Is he okay!"

"I don't know...he's unconscious." More tears. "Just meet me at the hospital and tell Sam to pick up his damn phone and call me!" Cas hung up.

As soon as they got to the hospital, the paramedics took Dean into the emergency room, and Cas waited for Bobby, Sam, and Jess to get there.

The hospital was quiet, except for the sounds of despair. There were families waiting for updates on their loved ones telling their tiny children that everything was gonna be alright even though they barely believed it themselves, best friends of patients pacing back and forth so they wouldn't start screaming as their face became a gathering place for tears, some families were just in their to make themselves feel better about their loved ones passing, their were even some children left alone to wait for their parents to heal from their trauma.

"How're ya holdin' up" Bobby asked Cas when he walked in.

"Not very well," Cas said from behind tears, not looking up as he fiddled his thumbs. He kept trying to tell himself that it could be worse, Dean was alive when he could very well be dead, he might not be stable, but he's alive, he's not dead. Sam walked in and stood next to Bobby. Cas didn't acknowledge him, his voice was already stuck in his head and acknowledging him would just make him feel even more guilty.

"Where's Jess?" Bobby asked.

"She'll be here as soon as her class is over." Sam explained.

At last the doctors walked in with an update. 

"Hi, I'm Dr. Mayfield, the neurologist" The doctor was a short, serious man, with brown hair that looked like he just got out of bed. "Dean's shoulder was badly dislocated, we will need to take him into surgery to fix it, we could do it without an OR it would just be extremely painful for him, even though he is unconscious he still has signs of brain activity which means he's able to feel pain he just can't react to it, so the doctors have decided to take him into an OR so he doesn't have to go through that. After Dr. Rosco is done operating on Dean's shoulder," he said pointing to a young, pretty lady, "I will take him back to do a head CT. He has some serious head injury, as you can probably tell, but we're not exactly sure what we're dealing with and in order to one hundred percent know we need to get the CT done." He nodded. "Would you like to see him before we start prepping him for surgery?"

"Yes," Cas, Sam, and Bobby said simultaneously.

The doctors walked them through the hospital and back into the room where Dean was. He looked like a mess, and looking at him made things twenty times worse than they were already.

"This is your fault!" Sam yelled at Cas and shoved him against the wall as soon as the doctors were out of sight. Cas just stared at him. He wasn't gonna deny it, he felt the same way. "If you would've just have listened to me and would have taken him to the hospital to find out what the hell is going on with him when i first mentioned it to you we wouldn't be in this situation now."

"Now that's not entirely true, I still would've fallen asleep and he still would've fallen down that ladder!" 

"If you would've taken him to the hospital earlier you would've known what was wrong and you would've been watching him closer!" Sam had a point, and Cas' guilt flooded over him even more. "What the hell was he doing on that ladder anyways, what possibly could've been so important in that attic..."

"I don't know..." Cas said with guilt weighing him down.

"Cause you were asleep!" Sam yelled one more time

"Stop it both of ya!" Bobby interrupted. "I get it you both love him and you're scared as hell! I am too! But look at him, dammit! He's laying on that bed unconscious! He's like a vegetable! And the last thing he needs-any of us need- is you two bickerin' at each other to hide the fact that you're vulnerable and scared and feel like becomin' a vegetable yourself! So stop your bickering and support Dean and love Dean, that's what he needs, not the two people he loves the most screamin' at each other, makin' each other feel guilty for something none of us could control!" The room went silent and Cas walked over to Dean, sat next to his bed, and cried.

_Don't die. Please don't die. I love you. I need you. I can't live without you. Please Dean...Don't die._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -graphic depictions

**January, 2026 (Stage 4-Moderate Impairment, relatives become worried)**

-

"Yeah, that's a brain hemorrhage, we're gonna need to take him into surgery as soon as possible." Dean's scans came back and the doctor's were analyzing them closely trying to figure out what caused Dean to go unconscious.

"Wait! What's that?" Dr. Rosco was pointing to what looked like a black hole in the middle of Dean's brain, it was hard to see at first glance because of the hemorrhage. "It could just be a normal thing with his hemmorhage, I wouldn't necessarily know I'm and orthopaedic surgeon, but I just want to make sure."

"Oh my...no no no, this is the last thing these people need to hear!" Dr. Mayfield's serious, professional expression changed to show some emotion.

"What is it?"

"That's alzheimer's disease..."

-

Cas was standing, reading the posters and flyers on the hospital room walls when he heard a deep, raspy voice.

"Cas," Dean barely muttered as he became conscious.

Cas whipped his head around as soon as he heard the words come out of his mouth. He looked terrible, even worse than he did when he was unconscious. His cheeks drooped down, kind of like a dog's, his eyelids barely stayed open. Cas wanted to kiss him but he didn't want to hurt him, he was afraid even the slightest touch would cause him pain.

"Dean! Hey," Cas slid up a chair next to Dean's bed, "how're you feeling?"

"Fan freaking tastic," Dean said sarcastically. Even half dead Dean was still his sarcastic, adorable self. "Is Sammy here?" That's another thing that hasn't changed; Dean's love for his brother. "

Yeah, and Jess and Bobby," Cas said lifting his arm to touch Dean's but then putting it back down remembering he probably shouldn't touch him. "But let's talk about you. What's the last thing you remember?"

"You were sleeping and I was in the attic," Dean said swallowing after every few words trying to build up the strength to talk.

"Do you remember what you were doing in the attic? What could you possibly have needed up there?" Cas asked. Dean thought about the question and after a couple seconds answered.

"I was trying to get your birthday present. I hid it up there so you wouldn't find it. I was up there looking for it and I couldn't find it anywhere, so I gave up thinking I put it in the basement and went back down the ladder but my foot slipped and I fell, and that's all I remember," Dean explained.

"Dean...my birthday's not until August." Cas tried being optimistic and telling himself that Dean didn't forget his birthday he was just confused, he only woke up from a coma about ten minutes ago.

"It is August," Dean insisted.

"No it's not. It's January." Cas walked over to the window and pulled the shades open. "There's snow on the ground."

"Oh. Oh yeah that's right we just had the New Year's party a couple weeks ago," Dean's voice was already starting to sound like normal.

"Yeah..." Cas looked out the window and saw the doctors standing at the desk going through charts. "I'll be back, I'm just gonna go out here to talk to the doctors." Cas walked out of the room and over to where the doctors were standing.

"Excuse me, I just thought I'd let you know that Dean is awake," Cas said as Dr. Mayfield quickly shut the chart he was looking over.

"Great-that's great," he said awkwardly smiling.

"Oh and he does remember a little bit about the accident, which is something else I wanted to talk to you about, it's kind of a weird story..." Cas looked at Dr. Mayfield, who wasn't looking back at him. "Can we go some place where it's certain Dean won't hear us?"

Dr. Mayfield nodded and told Cas to follow him. They walked all the way down to the first floor lobby. There weren't a lot of patient rooms or operating rooms on that floor it was mostly maintenance, storage, and check-in so the lobby was barely full and almost silent.

"When Dean woke up I asked him what he remembered about the accident. He told me he remembers that I was sleeping and he was in the attic, which is true. And then I asked him why he was in the attic because we never use the attic, never, and he said that he hid my birthday present up there and was looking for it so he could get it down to give to me. But my birthday isn't until August. And not to mention that when I woke up from that nap, I woke up to a fire alarm because Dean forgot he was cooking something and almost set the house on fire. This incident isn't the first and I'm starting to get worried, I just want to know if you have an explanation and if you don't, could you find one?" Cas explained trying to maintain his emotions which was getting hard to do.

"Do the other's know Dean is awake? Are they here?" The short man asked completely ignoring everything Cas just said.

"N-no they aren't, I can call them. But first could you at least address everything I said to you." Cas was irritated and becoming even more worried if that was possible.

"Yes. Do call them. Tell them to come as soon as possible and meet me at the desk outside of Dean's room." The doctor walked away and Cas just stood there. He couldn't believe what just happened. Aren't doctors supposed to help not ignore the worried and confused family members of patients? He couldn't even build up the nerve to look at him. He kept looking down playing with the pockets of his white lab coat.

Cas called Bobby, Sam, and Jess and told them to meet him in the first floor lobby. While he waited for them to get their he walked into the gift shop to look at things to get for Dean. It was all cheesy stuff that Dean would hate: flowers, balloons, those "get well soon" cards with the corniest sayings on them. He kept looking and came across a cute teddy bear he was debating if he should get. Dean always had a little kid side to him. Every time they were in a store and walked passed the baby section he always pointed out stuffed animals he thought were cute and played with the little sample games they left out. It was a medium sized teddy bear with a light blue t-shirt on it that said "I love you beary much". It was probably the dumbest, cheesiest thing Cas has ever seen in his life and he couldn't believe he was about to walk out of the store holding it, but he figured it was a good, easy way to make Dean smile, even if he hated the bear he would still laugh and that's all Cas wanted to see from at this point. When he walked out of the store he saw Sam, Jess, and Bobby standing in the middle of the lobby. He walked over to them and Sam took the bear out of Cas' arms.

"I love you beary much?" Sam said with his eyebrows raised, chuckling at Cas' cheesiness.

"I know it's dumb, but Dean's like a five year old, he'll like it." Cas snatched the bear back from Sam who was still giggling.

"He ain't wrong ya know," Bobby said.

"I think it's cute! It's sweet!" Jess smiled.

"I'm gonna get him a slice of pie from the bakery in the cafeteria anyways, so if he doesn't like the bear he'll have that." Cas said while leading the way back up to the fourth floor and into Dean's room.

"Hey, I have something for you." Cas knocked on the wall of the doorway.

"Pie?" Dean perked up.

"N-no, not yet, I'll get you that later I promise." Cas walked into the room holding the bear behind his back. He sat in the chair next to his bed and placed the bear in the bed next to Dean.

"I know I know it's cheesy." Cas watched Dean eye the bear up and down.

"Aw! It's cute!" Dean laughed and snuggled the bear into the crook of his neck. Dean was actually a little kid. If he could he'd probably ask to be in one of the pediatric rooms just so his flooring could be those foam puzzle pieces and the oxygen mask he got during surgery looked like a dinosaur.

"And now you'll have something in your bed with you besides wires and tubes." Cas said being optimistic.

"I'd rather have you in the bed with me." Dean smiled as much as he could with the strength he has.

"God I wish I could kiss you." Cas stared at Dean's lips.

"Why can't you?"

"Cause I don't want to risk hurting you."

"So what? I don't feel any pain when I'm kissing you, all of that goes away. I'd feel more pain wishing I could kiss you than I would actually kissing you. Just kiss me."

Cas put his arms on either side of Dean to support himself, leaned down, and placed his lips on Dean's. They were dry, they weren't like they used to be. But that didn't stop Cas from kissing him. After he saw Dean laying in a puddle of his blood with his shoulder at an angle that Cas didn't even think was possible he thought he'd never be able to kiss Dean again. He thought he was gonna watch the love of his life die lying in a hospital bed attached to tubes and a machine that breathed for him since he wouldn't be strong enough to do so on his own. But here he was, kissing Dean, alive. He was still in a hospital bed but he wasn't dead. Cas wanted to spend as much time as possible kissing Dean cause he realized he never knew when their last kiss would be. Every kiss was one kiss closer to their last. Cas removed his lips from Dean's and looked into his eyes. Like his lips, his eyes weren't like they used to be either. They used to be a bright, emerald green. Whenever Cas wasn't feeling like himself or was having a bad day all he needed to do was look into Dean's eyes and all his problems would be flushed away, his worries no where to be found. But now, his pupils were huge leaving barely any color in sight, but what color was there was a dull color, almost brown. They didn't have the sparkle in them anymore, instead they had a tired look like he hasn't slept in months. But despite the dry lips, dull eyes, and surrounded by wires and tubes, he was still beautiful and Cas would spend all day looking at him if he could. 

"Cas? You ready?" Sam asked quietly from the door.

"Yeah." Cas leaned down and kissed Dean one more time. "I'll bring you your pie after your surgery, I promise." Cas walked out the door and followed Sam back into the screening room.

A strange feeling swallowed Cas as soon as he walked in. The screening room was a dark place, with pictures of broken bones and abnormal organs everywhere. Cas looked all around the room at the pictures. He saw on one the top level with the bones cracked all over and tilted at the worst angle imaginable, he realized it was a shoulder-Dean's shoulder. And next to it was a picture of a brain-Dean's brain. Cas didn't know much about medicine, but he knew that that brain wasn't normal, and his worries kicked in full force once again. 

"I brought you back here to talk about Dean and tell you exactly what's going on while giving you a visual representation for better understanding," Dr. Mayfield explained to the worry filled group. "Dean has a brain hemorrhage. When he fell from the ladder he hit his head hard enough to burst an artery, causing bleeding in the tissues, inevitably causing the brain to hemorrhage. At this point Dean is going through cerebral edema, swelling of the brain, making the hematoma bigger and bigger as time passes, reducing blood flow. Luckily, this is all happening slowly giving us some time, but the longer we wait the harder it'll be to fix which is why we need your consent, right now, to take Dean back into surgery as soon as we're done here or else he will die." The doctor said quickly and seriously.

"Yes! Take him right now! Don't wait any longer!" Cas screamed with tears pooling up at the bottom of his eye.

"I just want to show you the scan and tell you exactly what's going to happen just so you have a better understanding." Dr. Mayfield grabbed the scan off of the wall. "If you look here you can see an small white blob towards the right corner of the frontal lobe of the brain, that's the hematoma. The procedure is called a craniotomy, no need to worry too much it's a very common procedure that I preform all the time, I couldn't be any better at it. First I will remove a small portion of Dean's skull just above the hematoma, then I will go in using suction and irrigation to drain the blood and then remove the hematoma." Cas barely understood a word that was just said to him, and he couldn't really care less as long as Dean was going to live.

"Okay...great. Now go! Take him back!" Cas took one last glance at the scan. "Wait! You didn't mention that, what is that? Is that normal cause it surely doesn't look normal?" Cas said pointing to the hidden black hole in the middle of Dean's brain. Dr. Mayfield went silent. 

"Let's talk about that after the surgery, right now let's just focus on removing the hematoma. It's nothing right now." Dr. Mayfield's cheeks were flushed red.

"No!" Cas yelled, grabbing him by his labcoat and shoving him against the wall finally letting tiny bits of his emotions out. "You've ignored enough of my questions today and I will not be ignored again! You keep telling me not to worry when you're about to cut into my husband's skull! Now, you're gonna do your job and answer my questions! What the hell is that!" 

"Hey, Cas, let him go. He'll answer, just let him go," Jess's soothing voice whispered quietly into Cas' ear. Cas loosened his grip on the man. Dr. Mayfield stood there, taking deep breaths trying to gather his words.

"I wasn't going to talk to you about it until after Dean's surgery, I didn't want to worry you anymore than I needed to." Another pause. "That dark mass you're seeing...that's alzheimer's disease."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -graphic depictions

**2026 (Stage 4- Moderate Impairment, relatives become worried)**

-

Cas felt as if his heart had been ripped straight out of his chest, and his lungs deflated and useless like an old balloon. His eyes staring straight at the ground and frozen wide open as he couldn't figure out how to blink, and his mouth plastered shout as he couldn't figure out how to speak. His brain scattered. He couldn't do anything. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak, he could breathe but his breaths were cut short by the piercing pain of his shattered heart. Dr. Mayfield kept talking but all Cas heard were muffled noises as if he were deep underwater with his ears aching from the pressure of the heavy water. He began to feel his legs go weak as the blood flow slowed. His knees buckled and he fell straight to the ground, still incapable of moving. He felt pressure as Jess placed her delicate, soft hands on his shoulder, trying to comfort him but failing. He felt the dampness as one of her tears soaked into the fabric of his shirt.

"I think you should take Dean to surgery now," he just barely heard Sam's voice.

Sam walked over to Cas and helped him up. He struggled to walk, limping out of the room holding onto Sam's shoulder with his left and and reaching across with his right to get grip on his elbow, not having the strength to walk himself. Dr. Mayfield took lead of them half-running to Dean's room trying to waste as little time as possible. Once the got to Dean's room Cas watched, still holding onto Sam, as the doctors rolled Dean out of the room and down the hallway. Sam walked Cas into Dean's room and helped him sit down. Sam backed up to make sure Cas was situated and motioned for Bobby and Jess to leave the room to give them some privacy. The two of them quietly walked out of the room and slowly shut the door behind them.

"He's gonna die," Cas built up the strength to mumble the words out of his dry mouth.

"C'mon, Cas. He still has some time. And plus, miracles happen," Sam said trying to being optimistic.

"Not to us." His neck stiff, Cas slowly lifted his head up to look at Sam.

"Yeah. Yeah you're right," Sam agreed. All signs of optimism gone.

The room went silent, as did the rest of the hospital. What was once a place filled with noises of the beeping machines, the slamming of desk drawers, footsteps of doctors running up and down the hallways, the chaos and trauma surgeons rushed their priority patients into the ORs while yelling vitals at nurses, was now a place of dead silence as Cas' world was falling apart. Everyone seemed to be watching. Watching as his world was laying vulnerable in a hospital bed being taken into surgery where a man was going to cut a part of his skull out to poke around at his brain which happens to be diseased with the worst disease imaginable. It felt as if just yesterday Dean in a suit with his hair slick, that sparkle in his eyes, and a beautiful white smile on his face was standing in front of Cas ready to spend the rest of his life with him. Now, it's Dean in a green hospital gown with his hair a mess, weariness in his eyes, and a sad slouch of his mouth lying before Cas ready to go into neurosurgery.

-

"...The procedure was especially difficult because of Dean's Alzheimer's. Now although we did everything we can to not irritate the Alzheimer's, it is possible Dean could have permanent cognitive difference such as progressing through the stages quicker. With Alzheimer's something as simple as anesthesia can make it a little bit worse, and a little bit worse feels like a whole lot worse. On the bright side, the surgery was successful. Dean's hemorrhage is gone, and it shouldn't be very long before Dean is awake. One of the doctors is in the recovery room with Dean checking his vitals and basically making sure he's doing okay. Once he wakes up they will check to make sure there were no extreme complications like Dean losing his ability to speak or losing the ability to move specific limbs. I'm not going to tell you to not worry cause that would be pointless, you're his family of course you're going to worry, but I will tell you I am proud of how the procedure went and am confident there will be no complications," Dy. Mayfield explained to Cas, Sam, Bobby, and Jess.

Cas turned around and ran outside. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't be in this hospital any longer. Standing in the middle of the parking lot and dropping to his knees he let it all out. Tears poured out of his eyes like an overflowing sink. Screams ripped from his throat until his voice went coarse and became nothing more than a whisper.

"Cas!" Sam ran over to him and tried to comfort him. "Talk to me, you need to. You can't keep hiding your feeling, you can talk to me. What's up?"

"What's up!" Cas yelled getting up from his knees. "Really you want to ask me 'what's up'!"

"Just talk to me. Let it out to somebody other than yourself is what I'm trying to say."

"Well for starters I thought my husband was dying. Then I find out he's not and they can fix him; make him all better again. Then it turns out he actually is dying. Oh! And not only is he dying he's slowly going to forget me, and you, and everyone else and everything good that's ever happened to him. Every detail he remembers will be removed from his brain until he can't even remember how to swallow his food. The hardest part will be watching him struggle and wanting to help but knowing there's nothing anyone can do."

"Cas there's still time. I talked to the doctor and he said he's on Stage Four of seven, and he's progressing slowly. Stage four and five could last anywhere between three to five years, but the last two stages will progress quicker."

"Three to five years of hell. Sam this isn't the Dean I fell in love with."

"So you don't love him anymore. You don't wanna be with him anymore when he needs you the most. Sounds pretty selfish to me." Sam yelled, getting annoyed.

"No, Sam, that's not what I meant of course I still love him." Cas choked on tears. "I just mean the Dean I fell in love with wouldn't have ever even thought about this happening. He wanted to go on vacations, get drunk at holiday parties, stay up all night watching movies and dancing to music together. He was always happy, always telling jokes, always knew how to make me smile. The Dean I fell in love with wanted nothing to do with hospitals and now a hospital will be like his home."

"Cas you're his home."

"Until he forgets about me." Cas put his face in his hands and cried for what felt like the twentieth time today. "And I feel so guilty."

"Don't feel guilty there's nothing you could've done."

"Really..." Cas looked up at Sam. "Cause your voice in my head is telling me otherwise."

"Cas what are you talking about..."

"You told me I should've taken him to the hospital about six hours before all of this happened, and now that's all I can think about. I told you it was just little memory problems and you said 'keep telling yourself that', and I did and this is where we ended up. I don't know, maybe if I just would've listened to you we wouldn't be stuck in this mess."

"Cas you know that's not true. Even if you did listen Dean would still have Alzheimer's and you'd feel just as ruined."

"Maybe if I listened to you I wouldn't have your goddamn voice stuck in my head!" Cas screamed at Sam. The world went silent for a couple seconds. "I just don't understand. Why is this happening? Ya know they say God loves everyone, well then why do bad things happen to good people, people who deserve good things. Why would he bring two people together, have them fell in love only for their lives to turn to shit. Why would he make two people happy together, feel like they were meant for each other and rip them apart. We were happy. We were really happy. Now it all turned to dirt. It just doesn't make sense."

Sam didn't say anything and there was silence once again. Drops of rain slowly started to fall from the sky. What was originally a sunlit sky turned a dull gray, the color gray that seemed to be the exact description of Cas' life. The blurry color that no one really understood: was it gray or was it white? It really has no purpose it was just there to add to the world. The color no one thinks of. The color no one likes.

"There you guys are." Jess came bouncing out of the hospital smiling after seeing Sam. "Oh...should I come back later." She noticed Cas who was sitting on the curb of the sidewalk with his face buried in his hands.

"No it's fine." Cas said peeking out from behind his damp hands.

"They said you could see Dean now if you want. He's not awake but they said he should be soon." Jess explained.

Cas slowly got up and faltered back into the building. He leaned up against the door frame of Dean's room. Every time Cas looked into this room Dean seemed to be in worse condition. Although this time he looked peaceful. Not being able to or needed to do anything besides breathe. Nothing to worry about. Cas somewhat wished he had Dean's kind of escape, at least for a little. He just wanted a few more moments of peace where he didn't have to think about anything and he could just get away from the troubles of life. He pulled up a chair next to Dean's bed, sat down, and studied him. He looked fragile, like he would break into pieces by the slightest touch.

"How's he doin'?" Bobby asked from the door.

"Don't know. He's not dead so he's doing good enough." Cas gently placed his hand on Dean's forearm.

"How're you doin'?" Bobby pulled up another chair next to Cas.

"To be honest, I'm a mess Bobby. But I guess I better start preparing cause it's only gonna get worse from here."

"Yeah...yeah it is. I always thought I'd be the first."

"It just doesn't make sense. I thought Alzheimer's was a hereditary disease, Dean never mentioned Alzheimer's before."

"It is hereditary. I was convinced John had it for a long time with the way he treated the boys, but turns out I was just givin' him too much credit and he really was a terrible father. Dean's the first in a long time."

"But this is so early. Did the other's have it early on."

"Yeah as far as I'm concerned."

Cas felt a twitch from underneath the hand that was on Dean's arm. He looked up to see Dean's eyes slowly opening. He tried to open his mouth to speak but nothing came out.

"Shh. No. Don't even try. I'll go get the doctor." Cas walked out of the room and brought back with him Dr. Mayfield.

"Okay Dean I'm gonna do some tests on you to make sure there weren't any complications. Can you move your fingers for me?"

A little twitch.

"Okay can you move your toes for me?"

Nothing.

"It's okay keep trying."

Still nothing.  _Shit. Come on Dean._

"All I need is the slightest wiggle, focus, you can do it."

Dean must've noticed Cas' worried look on his face because finally his big toe twitched.  _Thank God._

"Okay now keep your head still and follow the light with your eyes.....Okay good. Castiel can I talk to you." He took Cas out into the hall. "I'm going to ask Dean some questions now, which will require him to speak. He might have some temporary damage that will wear off as time passes so don't be alarmed if something doesn't seem right. If there is temporary damage it should wear off anywhere from thirty minutes to a week, I don't know we'll just have to be patient." They walked back into the room. 

"Dean I'm going to ask you some questions, I want you to answer as quickly as you can. Can you tell me who this man is?" He said pointing to Bobby. 

"Bobby," Dean answered.

"What about this man?" He pointed to Sam. 

"Sam."

"And him?" He motioned at Cas.

"My husband."

"Yes. Can you tell me his name?"

No answer. Cas lost it. He threw the magazines off the table and screamed. Everyone in the halls went silent and stared into the room.

"Cas calm down you're making a scene." Dean whispered.

"Wait...you know who I am? But you-" 

"Of course I know who you are how could I forget." Dean said as if he had no idea what just happened. "So? When's my surgery?"

Cas walked out of the room. This was too much too fast.

"Hey, calm down, remember what I said? Temporary. We'll check back in a couple hours."

-

Three long days passed until Dean recalled everything and everyone accurately. 

"I know it's been really hard and a lot has happened within the past week, and you've done a good job handling it. But now," Dr. Mayfield's voice got quiet, "comes the extremely hard part. Dean doesn't know he has Alzheimer's, as far as he's concerned he's completely normal. Telling a patient with Alzheimer's about their condition can evoke intense anger in the patient. They will not want to admit to their condition, and it can take a while for them to completely accept that they have Alzheimer's and come to terms with it. Follow me please." He led the group down the hallway and stopped them about eight feet from Dean's room. "Castiel, he seems to be the most comfortable around you if I'm not mistaken. Could you go in there and try to prepare him."

Cas hesitantly walked into the room where Dean lay asleep and sat on the bed next to him. He gently rubbed his cheek with his thumb until he woke up.

"Hey. How're you feeling?" Cas smiled when Dean looked into his eyes.

"Great now that you're here." Dean placed his hand on Cas' thigh.

"Listen there's something we-Dr. Mayfield, Sam, Bobby, Jess, and I-need to tell you. It won't be easy for you to hear and believe me I wish to God we didn't have to tell you this," Tears started pooling up in his eyes, "but the sooner you know, the sooner you'll accept it. Okay. I love you so much." Cas kissed Dean's forehead with force and let the tears spill out.

Dr. Mayfield walked into the room, "Dean, when we did the CT on your brain not only did we find a hematoma, we noticed something else. We noticed Alzheimer's. Dean Winchester, you have Alzheimer's disease."

"No. No. That's impossible. That can't be right." Dean insisted.

"You have Alzheimer's." Dr. Mayfield assured.

"I do not! I am completely fine!" Dean was getting angry.

"You have Alzheimer's." Dr. Mayfield insisted once more.

"Stop saying that!" The room went silent. "I do not have Alzheimer's! I don't!"

"I'm sorry, but you do."

"Do you hear this! Do you hear what he is trying to tell me!" Dean looked at Cas for back up.

"Yes," Cas sat back down next to Dean, "I do. And you do have Alzheimer's."

"Don't you think I would've noticed! Even if I did have it-which i most certainly do not-it can't be that far along or I would've noticed!"

"Three years." Sam said.

"What-what's three years?" Dean asked.

"That's how long ago Cas and I noticed you weren't entirely Dean anymore."

"You knew about this! You're in on this! You knew they were gonna try to tell me this bullshit!" Dean yelled at Cas.

"Yes...I did." Cas' face was becoming soaked.

"Get out! All of you! Get the hell out of this room! Right now! Before I throw you out! Go! Get the hell out!" Dean screamed, picked up the empty glass on his bedside table and threw it at the wall right next to Cas' face. 

Cas began to walk out of the room, "I love you. I love you so much, and I'm so sorry."


End file.
